The nutty silencer!
by Little green
Summary: Trowa goes insane, Heero is forced to wear smurfs shorts... Will Quatre save everybody??
1. Part 1

Standard disclaimer : "Gundam Wing" isn't mine and never will be (though I wish it would !). I'm just borrowing for fun and I make no money with my insane musings.   
Anyway... Enjoy!

(Oh! Just one little thing... Trowa fans... Sorry!)   


* * *

**The nutty silencer**

A (heart-rending) Gundam wing fanfiction   
**by Lil' green**

* * *

  


**Part 1**   


"Duo Maxwell, Omae wa korosu."

The infamous sentence resounded in the house the pilots shared at least for the hundredth time since the morning, but this time, things were gonna become serious : after having spilled cereals all over the floor("I don't know what happened Quatre, they just jumped !"), badmouthed Releena's hair ("I mean... it's not that she's ugly, she 's pretty... I swear, but she'll be way better with a braid, you know !"), covered the movie everybody was trying to watch with an excruciating chat-non-stop-to-death™, tried to use Wufei's sword as a scythe and... GRAZED WING-ZERO !!!!!! (author : almost faints. Can you believe it ?! ), Duo had now crossed the red line...

"GIVE ME MY SPANDEX SHORTS NOW OR I'LL KILL YOU !!!!!!!!"   
"Please... I just wanna try on ! What's the matter ?"   
" >_; ..."

Heero's eyes turned to slits as he pulled out his gun (author : Wait! wait a minute, where did he hide it ? He doen't have his spandex shorts anymore !) and entered Duo's room. The three other pilots watched him, a bit worried about Duo's immediate future... Actually, the only one to really worry was Quatre : Trowa just wore his usual   
cool facade, secretly hoping that Heero would manage to silence Duo and Wufei was grinning like a maniac, considering that all this was JUSTICE and that Duo's punishment would soon come to avenge all the victims of "Shinigami" (At least all those who had seen their beloved katana used like a scythe.) Suddenly they heared Duo   
bursting out laughing...

"GEEEZZZZ ! You only have one pair of spandex shorts ! Wooooahahahah !!!"   
"SHUT UP !!! give it back ! NOW !

Slightly relieved by Duo's laugh, the three boys (well... Wufei was not exactly relieved !) came to see what could possibly be going on in the room, hardly believing that Heero hadn't kill the american pilot yet... When they caught the scene taking place in the room... Quatre litterally rolled on the floor, laughing to tears, Wufei did the same (except that he manage to stand on his feet.) and Trowa himself couldn't repress a slight smirk (author : Woaw! I mean... TROWA !!). When they managed to regain some composure, they all stared in disbelief at Heero, who was still glaring to death/aiming at Duo's head... in his underwear. Meanwhile, Duo was sitting on the farther edge of his bed, clutching the precious spandex shorts in his (dirty) hands.

"W...Wait a minute... DIRTY ?! DUO ! Show me your hands !"

Duo started wincing, Quatre shook his head in shock, Trowa was now almost LAUGHING [?! °_°; ] (unfortunatly, nobody noticed because what was happening in the room was too serious) and Wufei, whose body had finally give in, was now sprawled on the floor, in complete hilarity.

"Duo. Show me your hands. NOOOW !!!"

Duo, who, until now, had been hiding his hands (and the Discord's shorts.) behind his back, held out his hands, still clutching the shorts... Quatre almost fainted as he caught sight of the shorts.

"ALLAH! Duo! What did you have on your hands ?!"

"... ... My snack... Spacenuts crispies and Chocolate sauce... oops!"

Heero's face became unreadable at the sight of his beloved spandex shorts and the chocolate and crispies spread all over the delicate fabric : a mix of shock, pain, fear and... ANGER !!!!

"... ... ... ... D... DUUUUOOOOOOOOO !!!! I... IWILLKILLYOUIWILLKILLYOUIWIL..."

"W... Wait!! Come on ! Let me lend you some shorts" Duo said handing him a pair of shorts.

Heero locked the door of his room as he changed for Duo's shorts

" What's that stuff !! There's no way I'm wearing this !" *fumbles in his room* "Where's that damn torture-kit!" " Stay here Maxwell ! GOT IT !!"

Meanwhile, Duo had tried to escape but Wufei had stopped him before he could make it to the door. "trapped" he thought. So he had opted for a desperate measure, he was now hiding behind Quatre, sweet, gentle and caring Quatre... That none of them could dare to hurt, not even Heero. Or could he???

"Get off my way Winner. I will kill him."

"But... Heero, weren't you going to torture him first?" Quatre asked innocently.

Duo sweatdropped. Wufei stopped his laughing for a minute, regaining instantly his composure, somehow managing to hide his impatience at the thought of Heero torturing the "God of mess" to death. Trowa was now grinning widly, still restraining himself from bursting out laughing... (scarry, he ?!) Understanding that Quatre would be totally useless to shield him from Heero, that Trowa was on the verge of breaking down and that Wufei... ahem well, let's just say that he wouldn't be any help in this case (except for Heero, maybe...) Duo decided to face his destiny...

"Heeeeero... What's the matter now? They're the coolest shorts I have, look, it's the genuine smurfs shorts!"

Heero glared at the electric blue fabric with many little things on it, sort of dwarfs with white pants and hats and some even dressed in red with a beard almost bigger than themselves...

"... I suppose it's either this or your priest outfit..."

"..."

"You know, Heero, I think you could look good in blue, I mean... It will match the color of your eyes!" Quatre supplied helpfully.

Heero sent him immediatly his best glare, but it was no use. In his current state, the only emotion he could raise up in his audience was hilarity...

"Maybe you're right, little one, at least, Heero, try these... these... MWOUAHAHAHAH!!!!" Trowa never had the time to finish his sentence, as he was now sprawled on the floor, rolling, crying... "S...Sorry! I can't... It's just...PFFFFF"

Heero quickly pulled out his gun, aiming intently at Trowa's head. No effect. All sweatdropped.

"He shows no fear, remember?" Duo observed. "Maybe you could try again that disgusting 'broken-bones-self-repair' stuff. I'm sure even Trowa would find it sickening!"

At that precise moment Heero wished he could have two guns to shoot Duo too...

* * *

  
A few hours later...   


* * *

It had taken Quatre all his diplomacy and all his patience, but Heero had finally accepted to wear Duo's shorts (Author : MMPPFFF!! ...sorry, blame it on the shorts!). The house was peaceful except for Trowa, who was now in a critical state...   
Heero had shown him his 'broken-bones-self-repair', Wufei had lectured him on justice and honnor until he was at loss of words, Duo had told him about his childhood (sniff!) and eventually, Quatre had lost his legendary patience, and threatened him to kill (ahem... 'slaughter') him, getting "THE FACE" in the process...

Trowa was still laughing.

Quatre, who was now back at his normal state was VERY worried about Trowa...

"What can we do now?"

"...Dunno!" Duo answered. He and Heero had finally closed the insane pilot in the bathroom (where he was still laughing his guts out...), mostly because Heero had threatened to "cut his head off with a fork" if the noise didn't stop, and, believe it or not, even Duo had finally found it tiring, as he was now trying to watch a rediffusion of "Shinseiki Evangelion"...

"Heero! Wu-wu! Quattie! Take a look at that!"

"It... it's GROSS... Totally disgusting!" Answered a very shocked Quatre at the sight of an "angel" being methodically cut up by a giant mech, then eaten by the same blood covered mech*.

Heero, on the contrary, was totally engrossed in the concept of mechs that can bleed. "I wish OZ mobile dolls could the same when you slice them..." He sighed, his voice dreamy, unaware that he has said that out loud.

All three gave him worried looks, even Wufei, though he has started to enjoy the show too, at that point. "...And where's the pilot now? Did the justice win?"

"Naaahh, his... uh... Eva has eaten him too... or, sort of!" answered Duo, very concerned.

Quatre was starting to feel queasy, and also a bit uneasy with the thought that Sandrock could "dissolve" him too... "Uh, well, I don't think that we really need to watch that weird stuff... I'm gonna look for a doctor... for Trowa... He has gone insane, remember?"

"MMMMHHH..." Came the reply from the three, now stuck on the couch, pilots.   


* * *

  
Meanwhile, in the Kitchen...   


* * *

"Don't worry, Trowa, I'll get you a doctor!"

Actually, Trowa wasn't worried at all, the former "silencer" was still laughing a maniacal laugh, he was so out of it that he still hadn't realized that he was locked in the bathroom, secured with Heero's 'ultimate-soldier-gundanium-handcuff **™**'

"WWOUAHAH...heeeheehee...AHAHhhh...."

"...Uh... Okay... o_o; " Quatre managed to answer.

The blond pilot resumed his searching through the yellow pages (Author : "Yes! I assume that even in an alternate universe the yellow pages DO exist!") And, then...

"... Alecian Patrick   
Bach Daniel   
Batman...????   
....   
...Casimir... That's it!! Une!!! Midii Une!!! Psychoanalisis, Psychatry, consulting- hours : 9 to 20, no RDV, and the number iiiiis... 067517932." Quatre squealed in delight.

"Hold on Trowa! I'm calling the doctor!"

(Author : Yes! Hold on Trowa!! This just the beginning! Mwouahahaha!!) ^_^

He ran to the living room where "Evangelion" was still on (Actually, Wufei had shown signs of annoyance when the episode had ended, and Heero had simply puled out his gun from the smurfs shorts and asked for more. So Duo had have to found an old tape, which had immediatly landed in the VCR...) The three pilots were now screaming at the TV set (Well, mostly Duo...) and throwing pop-corn at the screen (Here again...).

"C'mon Asuka!! Kick his deserving @$$!!!"

"This is gross... I can't believe they let those... those WOMEN pilot such beautiful things!! But still... SHOW HIM JUSTICE ASUKA!!! YEAH!!"

"Shut up you morons. Her mech is cool, but she talks too much. ...Mpfff...prefer Rei..." Muttered Heero.

Duo and Wufei stared at each other for a while before answering like a choir "Heero... Are you   
Okay ?"

At that precise moment, Quatre burst in the living room.

"A phone, I NEED A PHONE!! And stop the TV, I can't hear a thing!" With that, he leaned dangerously close to the TV set, pushed slowly with one of his fingers on the red button, and before any of the pilots could react, turned the TV off...

The three newfound couch potatoes blinked at the blond pilot in silence, then glared, then yelled all together. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR, WINNER ????!!!!!!!"

Quatre sweatdropped. "Uh... I was just trying to... call a doctor, you know... Trowa..."

"Let him in the Bathroom, it's not that big of deal." Stated Wufei.

"..." Added happily Heero.

"You know guys, he's kinda right, what if you guys wanna take a shower? I gotta to admit that 'Mr Spock' has suddenly become quite a... uh... disturbing clown!" remarked Duo.

"Yeah... I prefered his 'mute pierrot' state." added Wufei.

"So... Shall I call that doctor now?" Asked Quatre, who was starting to loose both patience and sanity at that point.

"Yes. Proceed." They all turned to see a very concerned Heero (As concerned as Heero can look...) "And..." Silence fell in the room. "And when it's done we can go back watching Re... I mean, 'Evangelion'." All sweatdropped.

"Now! I get to be first to call the doctor!!" Duo yelled.

"Don't you dare put your slimy hands on that phone Maxwell!!! This require somebody serious." Wufei said, Katana in hand...

Unfortunatly, Duo dodged him and before he could use his sword, the braided wonder** was hidden under the table, curled up in a ball and clutching the phone in his 'slimy' hands. Duo started immediatly dialing, trying to see the numbers on the paper that Quatre was holding, from his underlair ground...

The four other pilots had finally given up and decided to let Duo dial (Quatre had been quite persuasive there..."We shouldn't be figting at all!"...etc) Now they all waited anxiously for an answer on the line...

"Beeeeep... Beeeeep... Beeeeep... Beee- S.O.S Oreos'n burger, hello! May I help you?" (What other phone number do you think Duo actually knows?!)

"MAXWELL!!! YOU PATHETIC MORON!!!! YOU DIAL THE WRONG NUMBER!!!" Wufei exploded. Heero was silently pulling out his gun and Quatre was struggling to keep from cooking the american to a pie...

Quatre decided to handle the matter himself. "Listen Duo, give us that phone, we need to help Trowa! And... Anyway, you've already had a snack, remember?"

"I REMEMBER." Heero said coldly.

Quatre and Duo were now fighting for the phone, and a sweet voice could still be heard "Is everything alright ? Mister??"

In the bathroom Trowa was still making scarry sounds, something like a hyena... And Heero was now involved in the 'under-the-table-wrestle'.

"Omae wa korosu."

"I'm Shinigami !! back off! HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!"

And in the phone... "Oh my god! Who's gonna kill who?! Uh... I... I suggest you call back later Mister! (pheewww!)"

* * *

  
A few gunshots and wrestling later...   


* * *

Duo had been carefully bound hand and foot to a chair and gagged by Quatre while Heero was holding a rope, tied in a slip-knot around Duo's neck...

Wufei squirmed nervously. "So you guys like that... sort of stuff?"

Heero and Quatre fell (anime style).

"...NO!!!" Heero answered, his face still painfully connected to the floor. Quatre was too ashamed to open his mouth. (Author : And also too spread on the floor...)

"BoNdAgE iS aRt!!!! MwouahahaAHH!" Trowa bawled from the bathroom...

They all sweatdropped before exchanging worried look, if things went on like this, soon even the circus people would be afraid of Trowa. Meanwhile, Duo had started to tap his feet as if to say something.

"Mmmmmhhhnnnhhhmmm!!!!"

"Maybe we could let him talk." Quatre said, with his usual kindness.

"Maybe we could cut his tongue off!" Wufei snorted.

To their surprise, Heero gestured to Quatre to "free" Duo. "What do you want to say." Heero said, casually pointing his gun between The american pilot's eyes.

"Weeeelll... I thought... We should present the new Trowa To Treize... They have a lot in common ya know!" Duo finally suggested.

"Maxwell..."

"Lemme say! I know! I'm-a-pathetic-moron-who'll-soon-be-dead! Did I win?"

"I'll have no more of this!!" Wufei screamed, reaching for his sword.

"Wufei NOOO!" Quatre stood quickly between him and his prey.

"Stay out of my way! Justice is gonna strike back!!"

"No." Quatre was on the verge of getting "THE FACE", This could be a problem, Wufei thought, he needed another strategy.

Wufei was now pleading. (Author : Whooooo!! He must have wanted to kill Duo reeaaaally bad to adopt such a WEAK attitude! continues her mad rambling, starts to wolfwhistle all alone in her bedroom...>) "Pleeeeeeeezzz Quattie darling! Let me just cut his braid, and maybe one or two fingers... Be nice to me!"

Duo's eyes widened in terror, he didn't know which he loved the most between his fingers and his braid but he was sure that he wanted do keep them both...

"NOW YOU ALL SHUT THE F*** UP!!!!!!"

There was a silence.

There was an even longer silence. Heero stood there, still in Duo's smurfs shorts that had caused Trowa to go insane, gun in hand, and about... to loose patience.

"Now we take Trowa to that dr Midin... Uni... WHATEVER! To that §&#*%¤ brain-doctor before I shoot you all!!!!!!"

"..."

"..."

"SEE! See what Heero sez' don't you dare touch my braid WU-WU!!!"

"Duo..."

* * *

**To be continued...**   
**This is the end for part one!**   


**Next time in "The nutty silencer" :**   
The G.W boys go to the "brain-doctor"! Will Trowa heal and be mute and ominous again? Quatre tells the nice doctor about his traumatized childhood "NOOO I'm not a Barbie anymore!!! I'm a real boy!!!"> Will he overcome his past?? [insert Titanic soundtrack here.] Will Heero shoot the Doctor? Will Wufei cut Duo's braid? Will Duo shut up??

"Hey you! Yes you, the small squirt with a red T.shirt!! Ya know I hear what you said! are you implying that I talk too much??!! DON'T MESS WITH SHINIGAMI, LITTLE THING !!!!"

"Wanna some donuts?"

"..."

"chomps> I tell you, you're lucky! chomps> Next time... YOU'LL SEE DEATH!!!... chomps> Aren't there some chocopuffs left?"   
  


* * *

  
**THE AUTHOR'S CORNER :**

Personnal notes : Not that much, actually. It's my very first attempt at writing a fanfiction so don't be cruel!   
There's no particular warning, except an obvious (and dangerous) insanity! And... Ahem, yes there will soon be a kinda odd (obnoxious?) pairing... see yourself. Not too OOC... I hope.

*Have you seen this episode too? Scarry eh? If you haven't seen it yet, I think it's the #19!   
** I've borrowed this from the name of a site I just think it's toooooo coooooool and that it suits perferctly to Duo (Yay!). If the site is yours, E.mail me, and I'd be glad to link to you, and if you don't want the name to be used here, same, and I'll fix it.

Pleeeeeez read and rewiew or email me your comments (or flames). I'll take everything, I LOVE receving E.mail!!!   
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Part 2!

Standard disclaimer : "Gundam Wing" isn't mine and never will be (though I wish it would !). I'm just borrowing for fun and I make no money with my insane musings.   
Anyway... Enjoy!

(Oh! Just one little thing... Trowa fans... Sorry!)   


* * *

**The nutty silencer**   
**A (heart-rending) Gundam wing fanfiction**

**by Lil' green**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Part 2**   


After Heero's sudden outburst, The four pilots had decided (Well the three, cause Duo wasn't in a state to decide...) to have a break. Then after having drawed lots, much to Wufei's annoyance ("There's no way Quatre can call the doctor!!! You CHEATED!! INJUSTIIIIICE!!"), they picked up the phone and proceed to call the doctor, and explain, calmly, what the problem was...

"Dr Une's consulting room, Hellooooooo! May I help you?"

"Uh... Yes! It's for a friend!" Quatre stuttered

"Yesssss... What about your 'friend'?" It was obvious in the doctor's tone that she didn't believe him, and Quatre felt a bit uneasy, what if she told everybody that the heir of the Winner family was a psycho?

"Well... He went kinda... Insane." Quatre muttered

"Oooh! and what exactly makes you think that your friend is 'insane'?" She said in a sugary voice.

Before Quatre could answer, Duo who had managed (God knows how...) to break free, grabbed the phone and yelled "Heero and I had to lock him the bathroom because he laughed to much and he sounds like a hyen..." THUD>

Heero had hit Duo and given the phone back to Quatre but the doctor was starting to wonder if it wasn't some kind of cheesy prank...

"Sooo... How about coming here with your 'friend' so I can have a look at him?" Her voice had lost a lot of its confidence, now, but she still was curious to see what kind of nutjob the guy would bring her...

"Uh... Yeah! When ca..."

Duo had once again lunged for the phone "Can we come now? How old are you? I'll bring the win.." THUD... THUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUD... THUD>

The doctor, who was still on the phone, could hear strange voices "... Do you think it's enough?" "... Looks like he's still alive... Kick him one more time!"

"Ahem, mister? are you okay??" Midii asked.

"Yes!Yes! We were just... kinda solving a little problem!"

"Welllll... So, what about 5?"

"... ... ... ... 5... What??"

"5 o'clock! You called me to ask for your friend, the one who needs help! Remember?" What kind of dumbie is he??> Midii thought.

"Ah! Oh Yeah... Yes!! 5 will be perfect!" Quatre managed to answer.

At that precise moment, Trowa decided to make an announcement. "WHEEEeeeEEuuuIIGGGgg UUhaaeeeaeANANhhh!!!!"

"W... What was that?" Midii asked. o.O;

Quatre sweatdropped. "Uh... Nuthin'!!"

"Was that your... 'friend'?"

"Well... Kinda."

"Are you sure you can wait until 5 to bring him here??" Midii asked, now completely worried.

"Uh... Yeah! He's not that dangerous you know..."

"..." O.O;

* * *

  
16h31   


* * *

"We should leave, now. We're gonna be late!" Quatre shouted for the tenth time.

"Uh, YEAH!! JUST ONE MINUTE!!" Duo answered from the bathroom (For the tenth time.)

"Aawwwwwwwww! Come on Duo! Your braid is perfect the way it is!!"

"You really think so? Maybe a little more of Trowa's hairgel..."

"NOOOOO!!!! IT-IS-PER-FECT!!! And, by the way... We're here to save Trowa's brain not to date his psycho... Uh, his doctor."

* * *

  
16h37, outside the house, in the car.   


* * *

Wufei tapped nervously his fingers against the wheel, while Heero was staring blankly at the frontdoor, ready to kill somebody or something. The fly which had made an emergency landing on his lap didn't make it... Trowa was in the back seat, his wrists still secured with Heero's handcuffs. He had been bawling and laughing hysterically since the whole phone incident and Wufei was starting to feel queasy. Finally, after several painful minutes, Heero got out the car, open the door-curtain, sat in the back seat near Trowa and gagged him expertly.

Wufei let out a sigh of relief and at that precise moment, Quatre and Duo appeared in front of the house. And so the journey began...

Unfortunatly for the four pilots, Heero's gag had only succeeded in forcing Trowa to find a new way to express his "joy", since he couldn't "talk" anymore. So, he was now very occupied to make hideous (Author : Unnamable??) faces. Wufei and Quatre, who were watching him in the driving mirror, felt like fainting...

At the first red light, when the car stopped, Trowa scared to death an old lady and her yorkshire, and all the people around them give them worried looks. Considering that there were at least 20 minutes left until they reached the doctor's place, something has to be done. It was Duo who got THE idea (Well, Quatre was note exactly thrilled, but at that point Trowa had started to scare him too...). They (almost) all decided that since the threats and the pleads didn't work, the best way to make Trowa stop this was to put Duo's "Peanuts'n Donuts" paper bag on his head, so nobody would see his face anymore. And they did so, Duo made two little holes in the paperbag with his finger, in order to allow him to breath and see (a little bit).

* * *

  
25 minutes later, in the elevator...   


* * *

"Trowa!! Stop this!!" Quatre shouted. "Please!"

"S***!!! That moron pressed all the buttons!!!" Duo yelled.

"How many stories?" Heero asked with a rather impressive coolness, considering the gravity of the situation. Or maybe was it just lassitude...

"89." Wufei answered, inwardly cursing himself for having forgotten his sword.

Meanwhile, Quatre was still lecturing Trowa. "Naughty, naughty Trowa!" He said, slapping his hand.

They were all convinced that things couldn't get worse, since Trowa's new game consisted in bumping his head against the walls of the elevator or against another head, sometimes. This added to the fact that the elevator stopped at each story...

They were wrong, and they understood it as, when the elevator reached the 73th story, the doors opened and a man stepped in. Heero, though he managed to remain cool and silent discovered a whole new feeling : Shame. The man's eyes widened at the sight of Trowa's "Peanuts'n Donuts" paper bag covered head and Heero's "genuine smurfs shorts". They widened a bit more as Trowa tried to bump his head against his and Quatre slapped his handcuffed???!!!> hand. And he almost passed out as Duo pulled out a small bag of M'nMs and waved them in front of Trowa (Who couldn't eat them since ther were only two holes in the paper bag, for his eyes.), before eating them and laughing cruelly at his expense.

When the elevator finally reached the 84th story, the man ran away as fast as he could and Heero and Wufei felt like dying. ( Quatre didn't feel like dying because he was busy slapping both Duo's and Trowa's hands, for having fight for the M'nMs...)

* * *

  
At long last, in the doctor's waiting room...   


* * *

They didn't wait long for the Doctor, but with Trowa kneeling on the floor and trying to play with a box of legos with his tied hands in front of all the people in the room (not to mention the paper bag...), 10 minutes became an eternity...

"Mr Raberba Winner"

Quatre sat up, Wufei and Heero followed, but they stopped when they realized that neither Trowa nor Duo were following. They came back with dr. Une in the waiting room to find Duo crushing Trowa's lego tower and Trowa crying...

"Sooo... You have two friends...who are... Uh, needing help, now??"

"No! Duo is normal!!" Quatre protested.

"Which one is Duo?" Midii asked. O.o;

"The one with the braid." Heero said.

"..."

* * *

  
Later, in Midii's office...   


* * *

Midii had tried to convince the pilots that she should "talk" with Trowa alone but none of them had agreed, so trowa was sitting in a chair in front of Midii's desk and The rest of the team was sprawled on the couch.

Trowa hadn't really paid any attention to the doctor until then, and he was more interested by her pencils...

"When did he become... Like that?!" Midii asked to Quatre.

"This afternoon."

"Yeah when he saw Heero in the smurf shorts, he became nuts!!" Duo added.

Heero glared at Duo and Midii look for the first time at Heero's shorts, she couldn't repress a smile. Heero's glare directed towards her, but she ignored it and turn back to Trowa, who was still babbling for himself and building "The biggest pencil-tower in the world. Yay!!".

"Trowa?" She said sweetly.

"Trowa I think we haven't been introduced, My name is Midii Une." She said, holding out her hand.

At this Trowa looked up and began to stare at her attentively. Slowly but surely, his stare turned to a glare that could make Heero's "U.D.G" (ultimate-death-glare) pale. And suddenly, he jumped on Midii's desk, armed with the pencils and try to stab her with the pink one while aiming at her throat with the green one. Midii fell back , Quatre and Duo immediatly ran to stop him, and they finally managed to keep him still but not silent though.

"YOU *beep* of *beeeeeep*!!!!!!! I'll kick your *beep*!!! You'll die *beeeeeep* *beep* I'll throw you by the window as soon as I'll be free!!!!" Trowa yelled.

"Trowa you're being rude!" Quatre said, covering his ears with his hands.

" *beep* of *beeeeeep* ?? Woaw!!! I didn't know this one!!" Duo said enthusiastically.

"Duo!!"

"Well at least, he seems better, he makes entire sentences now." Duo answered with an innocent face.

"DUOOOOOOO!!!!"

Meanwhile, Wufei and Heero, who hadn't made a single move to help Midii were staring at Trowa in wonder. Midii had sat and was slowly rubbing her sore back.

"GEEEZZZ!! Look at that! I was wondering how he could talk... That nutjob ate Heero's gag!!!"

Midii sat back and look at Trowa in sheer disbelief, but she opted for a professional behaviour and didn't make any comments about what had just happened.

"Sooo, Trowa, relax and tell me about your childhood." Midii said in a soothing voice.

"YOU B****!!!! You know about my childhood!!!" Trowa yelled, trying to reach for Heero's gun.

At that point, Quatre and Duo were sitting on Trowa's lap, Wufei was holding his head, still in the paper bag and Heero had a deathgrip on his handcuffed wrists, in order to prevent him from hurting the doctor. (Not that he cared, but if it had to be done, he prefered do it himself...)   
Midii looked surprised by this new outburst. "Do you think you know me? How come you hate me so much??"

"I know you. YOU *beep* *beeeeep* of a *beeeeep*!!!!!!"

"But I don't know you. Maybe I could take that paper bag off, so we could know each other, don't you think?" She answered calmly, in a very "Doctor like" voice.

Trowa tried to struggle against the four boys, but it was no use, and they held him firmly as Midii was taking off the paper bag. And then...

"NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Woaw!! So you kinda know him?" Duo said, protecting his ears with his hands and handfuls of his braid.

Now, Trowa was the one who could need protection, Midii had jumped at his neck, which had cause them both to fall, and was hugging him as if there would be no tomorrow. Trowa's head had violently hit the ground in the process and, probably due to the shock, he was obviously back at his normal state...

"NAAANNAASHIIIIIIIIIIII !!! So you remember me?"

"You almost got me killed."

"But I saved you!!" Midii pouted.

"..."

"Aren't you happy to see me??"

"No."

"Aren't you happy that I cuddled yoooouuuuuuuu?" Midii purred.

"You crushed me and you bit me."

"Reaaally??"

"Yes."

"I thought you liked me!!" Midii said, on the verge of tears.

"I used to."

"And nooooowwww??"

"..."

Trowa kept silent, he seemed to be struggling with himself to avoid saying something he might regret sooner or later (Or that Duo could make him regret, that was an option too...)

The four other were staring agape at the scene, well, actually, Heero wasn't agape, he was... smiling??? They all turn to face a weird "perfect soldier", whose expression held more of Duo's usual faces than anything else...

"Heero...........??????" Quatre asked shyly.

* * *

  
Several explanations, yells, cries, tears, threats, kisses and twinkies later... (Author : Twinkies? / Duo : waddya think I do when I don't listen to what people say??? / Author : You eat... =_=)   


* * *

"But... There's something I still don't understand in all this mess..." Wufei thought out loud. Then, lost in his thoughts, he turned to Trowa with a puzzled look on his face.   
"I mean... Explain me clownboy, She betrayed you, she bit you, she asks 90$ for an hour of moronic chatting, not to mention that she's nothing but a disgusting, weak... ONNA!!! And... You still want to be with her. Did I miss something somewhere in the story?"

"No." Trowa answered with his usual cheerfulness.

"So why don't you just kill her? Why can't you just stab her right through with a huge progressive-knife and..."

"Wu-wu... a) You've spent too much time talking with Dorothy, you know that Quatre is the only one to be... Uh, well... immunited. b) You've spent too much time watching Evangelion. In both cases, I highly recommend you take a few days to rest..." Duo stated, cooler than usual.

"I agree." Trowa nodded.

Wufei didn't answer, he just stood there, on the verge of tears. He couldn't even muster the stenght to tell Duo not to call him "Wu-wu"...

"Now boys, back to the serious stuff!!" Duo yelled, instantly back to his usual self.

"Trowa buddy you've got something to do!!!" He said, plopping himself on Midii's couch.

Quatre merely shook his head, and turned to Trowa, encouraging him. At that point, even Heero and Wufei had sat on the couch to see what would happen now.

Trowa stood in front of Midii looking deadly serious while, Midii, on the contrary held a blissful smile, waiting for him to speak. Quatre leaned close to Trowa and whispered something in his ear, gesturing him to repeat those words to Midii...

Trowa's mouth opened... and nothing came out.

He tried a second time, inhaling deeply and concentrating. "Midii... I..."

Midii's smile grew wider (if it was possible...)

"... I..." "..."

"Midii's smile was still there, but it threatened to turn to a frown at every minute. The rest of the "Cupid-crew", squeezed on the couch, held their breath...

"I..." Finally, Trowa gave up. Looking annoyed with himself, he grabbed a pen and a sheet of paper on Midii's desk and wrote something, then he handed the sheet to Midii. Midii read the message and stareted grinning from ear to ear...

"Ooooh Trowaaa I love you tooooooo!!!" Midii squealed, flatting the not-insane-anymore clown to the ground.

The four on the couch sweatdropped.

"Geez!! that guy really needs speech lessons!" Duo yelled, aghast.

"Yes." Quatre admitted.

"Definitly." Wufei added.

"He completed his mission. Who cares about how he achieved it?!" They all stared at Heero silently for a while before returning to what was going on on Midii's desk.

Midii had locked Trowa in a fierce embrace that inspired to Duo some dubious jokes...   
"Mi... dii... Uhh... Need to... BReaTH... UH!!" trowa managed to answer between two gasps.

"Trowa! are you okay?" She answered, still hugging him to death."

"... ///_x " Trowa had turned blue.

Seeing that Trowa didn't seem to move the slightest bit, or even breath, Midii Une started to sob hysterically, occasionnally slapping him in an attempt to wake him up.

"Hey Trowa buddy! Stop pretending to be dead! You're gonna have to marry her anyway!" Duo said, kicking him with his foot.

"Oh GOD!!! What have you done! Trowa! Noooooo!" Quatre bawled.

"Troooooooowaaaaaaaaa!!!!! Troooooooowaaaaaaaaa is DEAD!!!!" Midii yellled.

"No he's not! See!!" Duo had now taken Trowa's limp body and put him on his feet making him move like a marionet...

"Duo!! Stop it! He's dead! That %#*& psycho killed hiiiiiiiimmmm!!" Quatre cried, producing a sound that matched Midii's cries.

Wufei and Heero, who had remaint silent during the whole incident, were now staring at the scene in sheer disbelief. Duo was playing with Trowa's dead body, nothing unusual... Quatre was crying, here again, this was plainly ordinary... In fact, all their attention was directed to the wailing and squeaking creature near Trowa. they just couldn't believe it : That small, weak, stupid creature who was sniffing soundly in Duo's handkerchief had actually killed Trowa. She had managed to eliminate the pilot of the Heavyarms, probably one of the most dangerous person they knew (apart from Releena, who was a terrifying natural-born stalker, of course.)   
That was just... weird.

"Maybe he needs electroshocks..." Wufei suggested.

"Shocks... Shocks.... SHOCK!!! That's it!!" Heero yelled.

Quatre stopped crying. Midii stopped shrieking. Duo didn't stop to "play" with Trowa. But all turned to stare at Heero questioningly. Heero simply ignored them, and leaned close to Trowa, close enough to whisper in his ear...

"Trooooowaaa! Troooooowaaa! You know, it's cool you're dead because if you were alive, you certainly wouldn't appreciate what Hilde has done to Heavyarms..."

Trowa didn't move. For all the people in the room it seemed obvious that He was dead, and no one really understood what Heero was up to.

"Trooooowaaaaa!! Hilde has painted Heavyarms in pink and she put a red beret on toooop..."

The next second was a blur, Trowa jumped on his feet faster that any human eye can see and pinned Heero on the floor, threatening to crush his throat at any moment. Heero didn't even try to dodge him (Author : My, my, my! Does the self-exploding boy still want to die?), instead he stared at him and a smirk spread across his features.

"Soooo... it seems you feel a loooot better!"

Everbody in the room sweatdropped. Had Heero actually smiled for the second time today? Was Trowa back from hell? Quatre and Midii une were beaming and yelled simultaneously "Trooooooowaaaaaaa!!!" But Trowa didn't care, he was staring at Heero who was still smirking.

"Sorry for trying to kill you. WHERE'S HILDE???!!!"

"Dunno. Why?" Heero answered, his smirk was now starting to fade.

"I'm gonna kill her." Trowa stated menacingly.

"Oh? Okay, cool. Ask Duo."

Realisation slowly dawned on Duo. "Hey! Wait you can kill Hilde!"

"And may I ask you why?"

"... Uh, she owes me 10$..."

"...??"

"And besides, Heero is a frickin' liar! She would never do such a thing!"

"I thought she had done it once with Deathscythe?!" Quatre remarked.

Duo turned beet red. "...Uh... Well... It's not our topic!!! So shut up blondie!!!"

Quatre choked. "Bl... Blondie!!!!! HOW DARE YOU DISHONOR MY HAIR!!!"

Midii had been listening to the conversation silently for the past five minutes, when she turned to Trowa with a puzzled look on her face.

"Trowa darling, you... You like pink, don't you?"

"No."

"Y... You don't like piiiiiiinnnk???" Midii burst into tears. "I hate you!!!!" She screamed.

Trowa sweatdropped. "I thought you loved me."

"You're a jerk!"

"Just because I don't like pink? Quatre is the "crying with pink shirts" type, not ME!!!"

"Trowa!" Quatre looked offended.

And suddenly... Time stopped. Midii noticed for the first time Quatre's pink shirt, along with many other little details as he was handing her his "Q.R.W" embroided handkerchief.

"And you... Do you like pink?" Midii asked shyly.

"Yes, very much." Quatre answered with a warm smile and a gentleman attitude.

"Purple waistcoats?"

"Too." Quatre nodded.

"Tea?"

"Yes."

"Violin?"

"Yes."

"Me?"

"YAY!!!"

* * *

Considering that Trowa wasn't her type anymore, Midii started to "talk" with Quatre... Actually it turns out to be a five hours psychotherapy, since poor Quatre had a rather weird life and had been traumatized by a terrible childhood. (Author : Maybe worse than Duo's!!!)

"... And what type of relation do you exactly have with 'Sandrock'?"

"Sniiiiiiiiffff> I don't know!! weeps weeps>"

"Have you ever desired to become a girl?"

"NOOO I'm not a Barbie anymore!!! I'm a real boy!!!"

"So why do you wear pink shirts? Do you miss your 'inner Barbie'??"

"I... I DooooooNNNN'tttt KNOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOW!!!!!!!!" "Booooooh.... Sniff! Sniff!!"

"You're doing a good job Quatre, now tell me..."

At that point, Wufei had left because he still wanted to watch more Evangelion and anyway that bunch of weakling were soooo boring, Heero had gladly followed (Author : Well, Heero had silently followed but we all know he yearned to watch it too...) and, after having digested what exactly was going on in the room, Trowa had made his way out, still convinced that Heavyarms was pink and wore a red beret. Of course, Duo had come after him, since Trowa was back to his former idea to kill Hilde, in order to lighten up a bit what was left of his afternoon. So Trowa and Duo left to kill (Or save, depends on whether or not she would have the 10$.) Hilde.

* * *

  
Meanwhile in Midii's office (Or more exactly on Midii's couch)... (Author : No comment since this fic is not NC17! ^_~)   


* * *

Epilogue :

So you wanna know what happened after?   
Well, Let's be nice to Hilde and assume that she had Duo's 10$, so she lived.   
Quatre and Midii were veerryy happy and verrrrrrry insane (too much tea...). And they had a lot of test-tube Gund... Uh, babies!   
Heero and Wufei became real couch potatoes and they died on their couch, one twinky in each hand, watching "All my childrens".   
Trowa never digested having lost his two potential koi the same day, so he married Relena (who didn't want Heero anymore since he was a couch potatoe with Wufei.), and frowned his entire life in a pink limo.   


And it's....   
~The End~   


* * *

  
**THE AUTHOR'S CORNER :**

Notes : Heee... That part really sucks! I don't know what happened, how did Trowa end with a paper bag on his head? I guess I was just a bit tired, and for the fly... Well I just thought that Heero was the type to kill flies (as well as Duo...).   
So gimme some feedback pleeeeeeezzzz! (I'll even read the flames.)

Soooo... Read and review or email me your comments (or flames). I'll take everything, I LOVE receving E.mail!!!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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